Dying To Your Current Identity

I want to talk about an idea which I haven't heard anyone speak about recently. It's this idea that if you're working to improve yourself, working to become the best version of yourself, that there's actually a lot of pain associated with becoming stronger. It's not the type of pain that you would think. It's not the type of pain that people talk about when they say that becoming your best self, improving yourself, disciplining yourself, mastering yourself, getting good habits. Everyone says, and the commonly accepted idea is that it's challenging because it takes discipline, it takes you building character traits which you don't have.

                                But what I was realizing today as I was reflecting on kind of a journey that I've been going through recently of getting more disciplined, and mastering some of my demons, like rabid alcoholism. As I've been going down this road and this journey I've been realizing, and as I've been working to become a better man, and a better human being, a more generative, useful person to society, I've been noticing that there's a distinct type of pain that happens when you actually start to succeed and become who you wanted to become. It's that when you start to become stronger and better and smarter and kinder and more productive and more helpful, you start to reflect on your past, and feel pain.

                                The reason why is that if, say for a year, you didn't hold yourself to a very high standard; you drank too much, you smoked too much, you ate crappy food, you argued with your girlfriend, you didn't spend any time with your family, but you were okay with that. At that point in your life, you were at a place where your morals and your own expectation of yourself was very low. If you do that for a year, you don't really feel that pain associated with underperforming, because your standards are in alignment with your lack of performance. But if all of a sudden you start to get higher standards, and you start to hold yourself to higher, more powerful values, if your character starts to change, all of a sudden, you become someone with all these character traits which you've been breaking for your entire life. So looking back on the memories of your life, it makes you aware of all of those letdowns. Because looking back through the lens of this new personality, and this stronger and better version of yourself, you become aware of, "Damn, I've ruined and wasted much time."

                                I just wanted to bring that up because I think that that's like when you work out, and there's that type of pain which is ... I mean, it's very painful to work out if you're working out intensely. That type of pain is something which you grow to love, and you become addicted to as you train and as you work out and become stronger. I was just realizing that there's almost a sadistic joy that comes out of trying to become so powerful and so self-mastering, and improve your own self, and build your personality and your character traits, to the point where looking back on your past makes you devastated. It makes you unhappy, it makes you sad, it makes you angry, and it makes you say, "Never again." There's a power to that. I was realizing that we run from pain in this society, but when there's enough pain, like a stick poking you in the ass, it'll drive you forward.

                                So that's it. It's that idea of that persona pain being the driver to more and more future performance. Take care. Bye.